Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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