I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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