Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
