I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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