I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
