Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
