I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
