Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he was CRYING into my vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
