Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
do nipples grow back?
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