I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
