he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
