She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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