She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
