I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
