I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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