I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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