He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
