i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
