You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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