Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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