chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
