just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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