You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
