Me too!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
