i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
