And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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