It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
