I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
