Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
