3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
