The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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