I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
