11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
