DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
