I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
