That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
