My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
