The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
