Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My life is pants optional.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
