oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
