i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
