Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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