This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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