i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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