We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
