I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
