I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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