White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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