Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
