I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
