speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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