how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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