You're my little dorito
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
