His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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