A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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