a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
